The story we live by makes a difference

I've just come back from a retreat where we listened to people's life stories. Some of those stories were really hard to hear; all involved dealing with the fallout of living with false stories. We learned that the stories we tell ourself, and that others tell about us, have a real impact on who we are. My own story has involved years of believing I was never good enough; that I would never amount to much. I judged my life according to the story others told me about being "successful": Passing exams, having a career, and making a decent amount of money. So having left school with minimal qualifications, I believed I would never amount to much. A lot of my resume is a testimony to just how debilitating this story has been in my life.

All this began to change when I went to theological college and fell in love with academia. I still remember the day I walked into the library and announced I wanted to read every book there. Going to college was life-changing. It put me in an environment where I was able to live a different story; a story of potential, hope and a new beginning. I completed two years of study and from there went on to earn a BA, win an award for a dissertation, gain a teaching certification and most recently completed an MA, something I never would have dreamed possible when I left school aged 16 years.

This morning in my devotions I was touched by these words: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" (Colossians 3:12). The words "holy" and "dearly loved" really stood out. Holiness is often equated with the idea of purity, but it is more aligned with the idea of being special and set apart. In other words, unique! Imagine if instead of leaving school and living with the notion that I had failed, that I had instead believed myself to be unique with my own gifts and talents? Imagine if we lived in a world where we were not rejected for our failures but instead felt accepted and deeply loved? Imagine that world... the world God invites us into.

Telling my story has helped me realise that the seeds of who I am today were planted long ago. For instance, when I think about my love of writing and how I have been told I have gifts as a story-teller, I recall the one exam I passed at school: English Language. The only exam I was awarded a pass for, was the only one that assessed my ability to write a good story. Who I am today (and now enjoy being) was there from the start, but my gifts were not watered by love. Instead, I lived in the shadow of a false-reality and as such my self was unable to be clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. I lament the lost years, but nothing can change the past. Instead, I am grateful for where I am today. Oh, and I have also learned something else, that when someone invites us to do something it means we have been chosen. So whilst the world only chooses the brightest and the smartest, God chooses all of us. We have all been chosen by God to live fully into the story of being holy and deeply loved.