Taking the negative self-talk out of my head

An article about Narrative Therapy begins in the following way: "Imagine a narrative of your “life story” in which you are the hero of your own life, rather than the victim?" What a provocative statement; to imagine that I am the hero of my life. For too long I have considered myself to be the opposite. Under a theology of original sin, my earliest years were shaped by the notion that I am far from perfect and that nothing I can do will please God. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," so Paul says in his letter to the Romans, but rather than using this idea (as it was originally intended) to draw attention to the fact that no-one can claim to be better than anyone else when it comes to our relationship with God, it has instead been weaponised and used to bring people into a state of moral, spiritual and personal despair. How can anyone claim to be the hero of their life when they are repeatedly told there is little good in them?

What is it about the human condition that we are so readily drawn to this negative view of ourselves? Why do we find it so hard to like who we are? Why do we shy away from people saying nice things about us? What is it that makes us so ready to tear down, rather than build up? In contrast, the Bible begins with the idea that humans are the pinnacle of God's creation: "God created [us] in [God's] own image; in the image of God [we were created]" (Genesis 1:27). Of course, the issue of how God did this is much debated, but the essential fact of the matter remains: God loves us. God likes us. God wants us to be here. The icing on the cake is that each time God created something new God proudly announced that it was good. God was pleased with all God made. That statement of affirmation is a "Yes!" to our being, rather than the impression that we've been treading dog poop into God's new carpet.

I am learning to speak to myself differently. I'm learning to accept that I have the tools and resources to live well in this world, both for the sake of myself and for others. However, I am also learning that I need some help doing this. I have too many false-narratives in my head; too many unhealthy conversations going on. Too much negative self-talk. This is why my day begins with a period of reading, reflection, and contemplation. I bring my life into the Divine Presence of Love. I accept that there are things I do wrong and have done wrong, but I live with the hope for potential and renewal, rather than guilt and despair. And this is not liberal wishful thinking but driven by the biblical reality that my life is valued by God.

This morning I reflected on the story of Elisha, who when he was surrounded by the armies of the king of Aram prayed that his servant would not fear for his life but instead see the world differently:

"And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha" (2 Kings 6:17)

Open my eyes, Lord! Turn me outwards. Save me from being stuck inside my negative thought-patterns. Help me to keep finding you out there in the world, walking ahead of me, speaking to me through others and leading me. May my life continue to be positively changed as I live into the story of being worthy and loved, rather than never being good enough.