We are not in control of anything... so now what?

"We think we're in control of the universe, only we aren't. Sometimes events happen and we can't do a single thing about them. We just have to live with the results. And make the most of it." (Megory Anderson)

Yesterday I spent two hours writing a blog post. When I went to save it, it disappeared. I had no backup nor any way to retrieve it. My response? Closed the lid of my laptop, got a drink of water, went to bed and read a book. Was I annoyed? Not really, although this morning I was grieving the loss of the work. As I did I received a call that one of my former hospice clients had died. My priorities, focus, and energies shifted once again.

My faith helps me to cope with moments of change. I also find peace primarily associated with God's presence. It's hard to explain, but when I am wrestling with something I feel things need to change. For instance, I've dumped pages of written work when ideas have not been flowing. That's why I didn't "punch the wall" (so to speak) after I lost the blog piece. Not posting what I wrote was not meant to be, and I was happy to leave it at that. I guess I've become very protective of my inner self. I want nothing to upset my equilibrium.

I carry this disposition into my hospice visits. I have learned that when I have thoughts swirling around in my head that I am not in a place where God's presence is being acknowledged. Instead, it's me and my needs taking priority. I've seen visits go very badly when I've been listening only to my thoughts or trying hard to please people. I have also learned that when I am in a bad mental and spiritual space it is because I am trying to control other people and the world around me. That's when I get most upset and angry; when I can't align people or things to my will. That's also why I consider the spiritual life to be an invitation into, and a journey of, learning to let things go. I cannot control other people, nor can I control things in the world. Lost work can be grieved, but ultimately must be let it go. Was I disappointed that I hadn't copied the text before trying to save it? Of course I was, but it's done now and nothing I say or do can change a thing.

Our lives are a constant medley of changing thoughts, priorities, and energies, which is why I find the spiritual practice of seeking peace so important in managing them. If the blog post was meant to be posted then it would have been posted; I would have re-written it, rather than this one. When there is peace in the moment I sense God is present. Finding God in the midst of these moments is healing; it is perspective-shifting. Do I think God deleted my blog post? Nope! Would it have been posted if I had saved it? For sure, but would it have been good to do that? I doubt it. On reflection, it was not my best work. It was quite preachy, and when I thought about it some more, not in keeping with the tone of what I am trying to write about here. So I would have probably deleted it anyway. However, and despite this, I am grateful for having written it for it cleared the path for something else to be produced, and in any case, God is always more interested in new life emerging, rather than glorifying the past.