I often say that as a hospice chaplain I am not there to give theology lessons. Instead, I am there to provide support and comfort for the dying. I am there to journey with someone as their life ends. What happens the moment after they take their final breath is something I do not know - honestly - I do not know what dying feels like nor what is there the moment life ends. I do not know this because I have never taken a final breath and died. I also don't know the range of emotions someone feels as they are dying. I know what they tell me, but I have yet to experience these emotions for myself. Of course, I have my personal beliefs about death and the dying experience, but my place is not to impose these onto others. Sometimes I have found myself affirming someone's personal beliefs about death and the afterlife knowing this is not what I believe, but as their life ebbs away they need the reassurance these provide, not someone telling them they are wrong. If any debate about someone's beliefs is needed, it is when they no longer provide the reassurance and comfort the dying one is seeking. It is never about whether their beliefs are true or not. I never go into visits thinking that I alone have all the answers.
Yesterday I was speaking with a friend who is wrestling with their faith. They also struggle with coming to church as they feel they are being asked to affirm things they no longer believe. Their old faith is dying. As they spoke about their struggles I remembered going through this same thing in my life. This is one death I have experienced. I remember going to church and struggling with the beliefs I was being told were true and that I needed to profess in order to be 'saved.' It is a difficult place to be, especially when you feel everyone else has it all sorted out. Dying spiritually is a very lonely experience. You think you are the only person wrestling with your faith in the church; thinking you alone are the only person in the room having problems accepting what we are being told is the truth. The reality is, there are many people in churches who are questioning their faith. No-one has it all sorted out.
I started attending my church because I was invited to go by a friend who exhibits personal and spiritual qualities I deeply admire. I remember thinking, if that is the sort of person their church 'turns out,' then it can't be a bad place. Since then I have got to know many people who attend my church, and I consider them to be dearly beloved friends. Whilst there are many things I could go without in our church, I can't imagine my life without these people. I go to church because I want to be with them. They love me and walk with me through life, as I do them. We love each other unconditionally; no judgment. Come as you are! None of us are there because we think we have arrived spiritually; in fact, quite the contrary.
This morning I read these words, "[God] is compassionate and gracious... abounding in love" (Psalm 103:8). When it comes to matters of faith no-one has all the answers, because no one knows all the questions. As long as we live and breathe there will be questions. Instead, we are invited to consider what sort of person our beliefs are leading us to be. So when I read that God is compassionate and gracious, for me this is an invitation to be like this for the sake of others and to consider whether faith is only truly dead when we cannot.
Image source: https://thriveglobal.com/stories/practice-self-love-acceptance-daily-f-k-perfection/
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