The reason I'm finding it hard to explain what chaplaincy work is is that it's not about doing certain things. Sure, the general "flavour" of my visits is spiritually-focused, but what a visit should be like is hard to pin down. Visits can never be scripted! For instance, in one visit the client's family was present and I felt I should be doing more "chaplain stuff," like reading the Bible and singing, but then realised this was not what my client wanted. The visit went badly because I began with the assumption that I knew my client's spiritual needs, rather than listening to what they actually wanted. I'm finding problems also start when visits become performance art, and when spiritual care is equated with religious practice. Religion leads us to do certain things because we believe God always wants us to do them and that we should always do them. Thus spiritual care in the presence of religion becomes more about doing and saying "the right thing," no matter what the other person wants/needs. However, the reality is that spiritual care is messy, sometimes lacking clear pathways and outcomes, yet it is always responsive and will seek to leave the other in peace. The important lesson I am learning is that I am not there to project my own beliefs, needs, and desires onto others.
Maybe the question should be re-phrased to be not so much about what I do, but what I am doing? What am I doing as a hospice chaplain?
This morning I was reflecting on the idea of Holiness. Often the idea of being Holy is equated with purity and perfectionism, but it's actually more related to the idea of being set apart. As a hospice chaplain, I know that I have been set apart to do something special. I sit with the dying and walk with them in their final months, weeks, and even hours of their life in a way that sometimes their most loved ones will never get to do. I work in the shadow of death, and it is a privilege to do this. And as I do this work I am learning that our lives continue to have a purpose and meaning even in the presence of death. This is such a counter-narrative for those who believe personal value and worth are found only in the presence of vitality and health. Instead, working in the shadow of death has shown me that God's love is always present; that connecting with each other begins in silence and listening. I have also learned that this work involves not just the death of another, but also the death of self - Myself! It is learning that the little god on the throne of my life needs to be taken down and replaced with the God whose presence and reality is never defined by religion, but through the spiritual art of showing love to one another.
As someone who has spent considerable time in two different hospice units with my mother and father, it was helpful when the chaplain inquired of our spiritual needs instead of assuming. Honestly, the thing I appreciated the most was their "presence." Just knowing they were there was comforting. It was nice to have someone to small talk with and recount memories of the loved one who was in hospice. I feel privileged to have been by both my parents' bedsides when they passed away. It was interesting you said the same thing. It is true! You are doing amazing work, Steve!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. It's good to know that one is also appreciated in the "small" things not just the grand. I think the moments I feel most connected with someone are in those "smaller" moments; when you just casually check-in about life outside the walls.
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