Every day I pray. I pray for many things. I mostly pray for wisdom, knowledge and forgiveness, but sometimes I pray for God to act in a special way in my life and the lives of others. I also have many experiences of prayers being answered, but how and why that happens I cannot explain. The other day I read Paul’s description of prayer as that which involves “petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving” (1 Timothy 2:1). In this list we see that prayer involves petitioning a higher authority (God, as you understand God to be), making personal requests, intervening on behalf of others, and finally thanksgiving. That's a nice concise list, but I struggle with any prayer that involves asking God to intervene in the world and the lives of others without breaking the laws of nature, or contradicting the notion of free will. I have no expectation that in order to answer my prayers God will arrange everything in the world around me and my personal needs and desires. I have heard people pray such prayers, but I can't do that. It's one of the struggles I have with prayer. How can one authentically pray whilst appreciating the difficulty of any prayer being answered? What should I pray for? How should I pray? Can I pray for God to do mighty things in the world and expect an answer, or should I stick to only asking God to make a difference in my life? Sometimes I think that to pray is more about changing me. When I was an atheist I used to say that prayers only work when you do. I still say that. I still think that most of the prayers I pray are about changing me and my attitude to things and people, but then there are those prayers I have prayed which ask for things in the world to be different and then they appear to be answered. I cannot explain that. It is something I just accept and thank God for.
As I write this I recall Paul's words in Romans: “[When] we do not know what we ought to pray for, the Spirit intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26). I guess the thing I struggle with most is the idea that prayers should be rational, logical and lengthy verbal utterances. The truth is, I don't find rational, logical or even lengthy prayers meaningful. Some of the prayers I have seen answered in my life have been far from rational, logical or verbose, so it is comforting to know that sighs, groans and even wordless expressions of concern are valid prayers as far as God is concerned. All this reminds me of Melanie Beattie, who in her book Codependent No-More wrote that some of her favourite prayers are the following: “Help. Please. Don’t. Show me. Guide me. Change me. Are you there? Why’d do you do that? Oh. Thank you." I think she's onto something...
I wonder if at the point I am ready to utter "Oh shit!" in the presence of God, that this is the moment when my ego is out of the way and God is able to do something? Maybe prayer really is just about getting my ego out of the way? I don't know. Prayer is complicated. My prayer life is complicated. I know that often when I pray for something that life changes. I feel connected. I feel heard. Prayer seems to make a difference, even though I don't know how, or why.
As I write this I recall Paul's words in Romans: “[When] we do not know what we ought to pray for, the Spirit intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26). I guess the thing I struggle with most is the idea that prayers should be rational, logical and lengthy verbal utterances. The truth is, I don't find rational, logical or even lengthy prayers meaningful. Some of the prayers I have seen answered in my life have been far from rational, logical or verbose, so it is comforting to know that sighs, groans and even wordless expressions of concern are valid prayers as far as God is concerned. All this reminds me of Melanie Beattie, who in her book Codependent No-More wrote that some of her favourite prayers are the following: “Help. Please. Don’t. Show me. Guide me. Change me. Are you there? Why’d do you do that? Oh. Thank you." I think she's onto something...
I wonder if at the point I am ready to utter "Oh shit!" in the presence of God, that this is the moment when my ego is out of the way and God is able to do something? Maybe prayer really is just about getting my ego out of the way? I don't know. Prayer is complicated. My prayer life is complicated. I know that often when I pray for something that life changes. I feel connected. I feel heard. Prayer seems to make a difference, even though I don't know how, or why.
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