The other day I felt I was not taking my prayer life seriously. I had been hesitating to actually name specific things in prayer. I tended to prayer in generalisations; bring peace, bless so-and-so and stuff like that. Although we are encouraged by Jesus to "ask for whatever you want in my name" (John15:7), the fact is I often resisted doing this because it would put my prayer life on the line. It puts God on the line. What if a specific prayer is not answered? Then what?
Now I don't believe we should go around testing God with our prayers, but the other day I got a real sense that it was time to be more specific. Ask for whatever you want. Okay! But first, a little context…
I am currently training to be a hospice chaplain. Most of the time I love the work I do, but there is one thing I do not enjoy doing and that is making phone calls. I'll sit with anyone who is dying, but making phonecalls - nope! The problem is, when someone comes onto hospice it is a requirement that within five days we call the primary bereaved (that is the person who will be most affected by the death of the client).
I hate making those phone calls. As an introvert, when I receive a call from someone in the midst of my (often) silent alone time, I find this intrusive and deeply irritating. I also find myself projecting this feeling onto others. Calling someone equals, "I'm bugging you... You find me annoying!!!" Irrational, yes, but something I really struggle with.
The other day I had someone come onto hospice, which meant - phonecall... urgh! Now I've been working to address my fear of the phone, so I took the bull by the horns and made the call. Emily*, who answered, seemed pleasant enough so I asked if it was a good time to call? It was not, but she said she would call me back later. All good so far... but by the end of the evening, I had received no callback. So the dark clouds of despair began to gather. I got stressed. I began to worry. So-much-so that I had a restlessness night.
Fast-forward to the next morning, and in my devotions, I read these words:
"He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven." (Psalm 107:29-30)
The words "stilled, hushed and calm" jumped out at me. God promises that in the midst of our turmoil we will find peace, but what would bring me peace? That phone call. If only they would get in contact with me. I felt it was time to ask for that. I'd had unrest around this call, but I wanted peace. I felt led to ask for peace. I felt led to ask God for Emily to get in touch. So I prayed my prayer and set off to visit my new hospice client.
When I got to the residence there had still been no call, but that was okay because it was early. Maybe they would call later. I hoped they would. I held my phone again, quietly trusting that they would be in touch. Then I stilled my thoughts and committed the visit to God. I felt calm. I had a real sense of peace as I walked into the residence to meet my new client.
I found my client sitting quietly, so we started to visit. We began to talk about the weather, the birds in the aviary, how much God loves us when suddenly I noticed a woman appear in the doorway of the room. She looked at me, wondering who I was. I stood up and introduced myself; "Hello! I'm the chaplain", to which she replied, "Hello, I'm Emily! I believe I owe you a phone call!"
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